Just recently, we were devastated to hear that style maven Gwyneth Paltrow and sexy Coldplay front man Chris Martin broke up after several years of marriage. We were yet again struck dumb when we read and heard that it wasn’t just any old breakup but a conscious uncoupling for the couple. The first question in our minds was “What in the world is conscious uncoupling?”
It is easy to dismiss conscious uncoupling as something only new age-y Hollywood stars do. According to experts, conscious uncoupling is indeed very real and they define it as a process where a relationship is lovingly completed and by doing so both parties will be left feeling whole and complete. This stems from the idea that breakups should be seen as a chance to turn emotional pain into a way to make breakthroughs in how you interact with others and also in your next relationship.
This concept comes from what psychology experts call the “objective relations theory” and has been administered by family therapists to couples. They believe that you choose partners with traits that you do not possess. For instance, if you are tight with money you might choose someone who just doesn’t give a hoot. If you like adventure, you might go for someone who is more organized. However, these traits that you look for in partners that you do not have may become a cause of irritation and separation. When this happens, you look at those traits as a point of friction and blame. The bottom-line here is you choose partners for complicated reasons and sometimes without even knowing it you create patterns in relationships that become embedded in our problems.
Breakups are painful and couples need to untangle themselves from each other and look within them for answers and change instead of blaming each other in an effort to find answers in a troubled relationship.
Can You Do It?
Can you and your partner go through a conscious uncoupling? Why, of course you can! You can even look for guides as to how to do it online if you feel like it will work for both of you.